Norwegian Elk Hounds Focus on the Sponge Family
Its been a crazy month here at Kilmurry House, one reason there haven't been nearly as many blogs as usual. Hopefully that will change soon as most of the insanity is due to the new jewelery business the guys are starting. They have just asked me to play secretary for a few months. Something I am more than willing to do, provided a bathroom is placed in the outbuilding where the office is. Any women over 40 reading this list will understand why. House mate, who is business manager, could not understand why this was necessary but thankfully my husband does. I said, think of getting a cheap (read Free) employee for the price of a bathroom. There's no way I'm running through the wind, rains and muck of an Irish Winter just so I can answer phones in a separate building.
But, I won't have to start "working" for a little while yet. The business can not officially exist until Irish buracracy finishes with some long delayed paper work. Either giving DH permission to run a business here, or granting me Irish citizenship (I'll still be a US citizen) which ever comes first. At the moment, it seems to be a race: The Snail Vs. The Turtle. We will see which office wins, which in the meantime should give us time to get the bathroom sorted.
Along with the bathroom, other kinks that have shown up this month. The discovery at the National Trade Fair that someone else got "our" name first. Good to know before we had the office stationary printed, but its back to the Irish history books for some more ideas. And, the discovery that all the delivery companies in Ireland have rather laid back practices when it come to delivery in the more rural parts of the country. I.E. where we live. Last nights excuse was my favorite so far:
Question: "Where are the office computers we ordered yesterday with a guaranteed 24 hour delivery?"
Answer: "Oh, they wouldn't fit on the truck so we left them behind. .."
Company discovered that they were either going to make a special trip to bring them down to our area, or they were going to be reported by one vary irate business manager! At the end, they compromised and the company got the items are far as the nearest town and said Business Manager went and picked them up. At nine o'clock last night...
Anyway, in the midst of all this sort of fun and games, we've been having visits of another sort. The Norwegian Elk Hounds have nearly destroyed their pen, and its lambing season. The courtyard can not be enclosed until some of the business dust settles, so now my kitchen has been invaded by two, very large, Wolf-like dogs. Or as one of my friend lady friends calls them "The Walking Sofas." This breed of dog, has been discovered living beside people for over 9,000 years in Norwegian archeological excavations. Which prompted the same friend to utter:
"They are living proof that stone age man had soft furnishings....."
Not everything about them is soft, however. Their job, in the old days when dogs were still expected to work, instead of taking up kitchen space looking cute, was to bring down giant Elk by breaking their legs. This helpfully allowed their human friends to finish the Elk off without haveing to chase it any more. Now Elk in Northern Europe are what North American's would call a Moose. Which are very large animals indeed. I'm glad they call them elk's over here though. I'm not sure how I'd feel about being owned by a couple of Norwegian Moose hounds...
Anyway, Thorhottlar and Skadi (aka The Pack) are delighted to be inside. When they were younger, they hated the kitchen because it was way to warm for their very thick, arctic coats. But just like older people, as they reach late middle age, they are starting to enjoy the benefits of central heating. On the other hand, the kitchen is not nearly as much fun as a large pen filled with trees, bugs and the occasional cat to bark at. Which leads to two rather bored Wolves, looking for something to entertain themselves with.
Yesterday, they found it. Until now, they have been very good, but somehow I think they must have managed to go upstairs and watch my TV. Or perhaps dogs have their own news broadcasting agency? BAR (Bark Public Radio?). However they did it, they must have heard that Focus on the Family had declared Sponge Bob Square Pants to be public enemy number one. He might look like a simple ,squishy sponge, but according to those Who Know What is Best for You, he's really not just squishy, he's a ...(please remove all children from the room before using this word) homosexual! How does focus on the family know this. Well, its seems when he is not washing plates and trying to keep his pants dry, Sponge Bob Square Pants is sometimes seen holding hands with his best friend. Who is a pot scrubber (or something, but whatever it is We Who Know Best, Know His Friend is MALE). And Focus on the Family does not believe in men holding hands, not even if they are cartoon Sponges! And, as if that were not enough, Sponge Bob and his friends had the audacity to start in a video for school children dancing to the old Gloria Gainer hit, "We Are Family." And, as everyone knows who has ever attended Gay Pride Day in San Francisco this song is a virtual lesbian anthem. ...
Wait? Did you say Lesbian anthem? Yes, that's right boys and girls, focus on the family is certain the Sponge Bob and his friends are gay because they are dancing to one of Shapo's top ten hit parade! True, gay men have also enjoyed dancing to this song for years, but they know its time to clear the dance floor when the girls get up and form the conga line! Gay Men recognize Girl Power when they see it and figure its a good time to go get a drink at the bar or something. Now, the real question is, I know this because I have been to Gay Day in San Francisco and visited gay bars. But where in the world is Focus on the Family getting their info? Perhaps such a mistake is understandable given that they can hardly be expected to do hands on research. I can just see it now,
Knock, knock, "hello, we are from Focus on the Family and we'd like to check the Man's Man Disco night play list so we can warn our children about your evil music? Thank you and God Bless..."
Somehow, I don't think that would go over very well. Or, maybe Sponge Bob really is a Lesbian in Drag..? In any case, Focus on the Family does not like him/her and has said so on the public air waves.
And, our Wolves, being good little Wolves, decided to help out the cause. I came down to the kitchen, still wiping my eyes from sleep, to find tiny bits of yellow foamy stuff, everywhere. And I do mean everywhere, or at least everywhere under the kitchen table and nearby chairs. I blinked my eyes, trying to figure out just what I was seeing, and then saw the lonely green sponge top, now naked and devoid of the rest of its sponge parts. While the yellow parts of the sponge had been chewed beyond recognition, the green top was still intact but with teeth marks all over it. As I watched, both dogs leaped upon what was left of it, to show me what good and helpful dogs they were!
Wag, Wag! Went their tails..."We are such good Wolves, we have utterly destroyed Sponge Bob Square Pants for you, well this one was actually a rectangle, but we figure it had to be related to Square Pants so we knew you would want Rectangle Pants to DIE!"
I looked at the Wolves, looked a the mess on the floor, saw the tales lifted in hopes of a treat for making their "Kill," and I said,
"But guys, In this house, We are DEMOCRATS!" and then I yelled towards my dear husband,
"Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think YOUR dogs are REPUBLICANS!"
At which point I had to explain to my non-news watching husband why I was laughing so hard.....He just looked at me, the way husbands do when they know their wife is acting "funny" and said to the dogs...
"what have you got their guys?....is it a bone, no its a ...a..sponge? Why in the world would you eat a sponge...."
And then he wondered why his wife started laughing even harder....
I am happy to report that out of three sponges in the kitchen last week, we still have two surviving sponges. Now, if I can just find my old Gloria Gainer disco LP's maybe we can find out if they know how to dance...no, wait....we'd have to find a machine called a record player first....
That's it for now from Kilmurry House...